A lot of time has passed and a lot has changed since I was last writing here. My husband and I moved into a new place in the country during May 2017 where I concentrated on healing my heart and body. It was an amazing summer. We had the best time!
We then spent the winter in town. It’s been convenient and safer avoiding the winter road conditions. As spring approaches, I’m feeling mad cabin fever and looking forward to getting back out to our place in the woods.
The intense grief has mostly passed – from the infertility and losing my ovaries, going into surgical menopause, having to let go of our dreams of biological children and the fears of whether we can adopt. The loss and sadness are still there and I think probably always will be to an extent, but we’re happy again and ready to move on.
Menopause has been challenging and I’ve mostly been able to work out a balance of the hormone replacement therapy. I haven’t had any endometriosis symptoms since my surgery in July 2016. I’m still having migraines, but less frequently over recent months. My fibromyalgia symptoms are still the same… I feel like nothing I do really makes those symptoms improve. I know what makes them worse, but can’t figure out how to feel much better. I accept that while still being hopeful things might improve.
The big news is that we’ve been taking steps toward building our family!
We put in our application to get licensed for foster care. I don’t feel optimistic that will lead to adoption because our state almost always reunites children with their families. Still, it would be a wonderful way to help kids, give them a gift of love and stability even if it’s just a short time. We’ll see what comes from that. The process is moving incredibly slowly.
We’ve also been researching adoption agencies and learning more about adoption, and we think we’ve found an agency we would like to work with for infant adoption!! We’re working on our application now and getting ready for the home study. It’s been hard, and I have a lot of fears, but I am hopeful.
My new plan for this blog is to pick it back up and share thoughts during our process and my continuing journey for health and happiness. I’m happy to be here again and connecting with you. XO
Gigantic baby steps!
Image: Snowdrops from Wikimedia commons by Martin Cooper. I choose snowdrops for their symbolism of hope – the blooms appearing in the earliest days of spring.
Text copyright Snowdroplets 2018