Recently, my husband and I took some of our first steps together to get serious about adoption.
First, I had to do some grappling. Had to come to terms with being unable to conceive and carry children myself. Had to heal from surgery this summer to treat severe endo and remove my ovaries, and to adjust to hormone replacement therapy. I’m finally feeling physically healed from my surgery this summer and back to normal with my energy. The energy took the longest to return, but I would say that I’m actually feeling pretty good now physically. Emotionally, the last year has been incredibly difficult. The grief has been intense. I feel like I am still grieving and I expect I will be for a long time. However, I feel ready to move towards an alternative future. He’s doing his own processing of all this and seems to be ready too.
This quote, supposedly from Joseph Campbell, has been a touchstone:
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
Letting go of the life we planned is no easy task, but it must be done. Accepting reality is really the only foundation I can see for our future. We accept this, however slowly, and now open our hearts to the life that is waiting for us.
We attended an adoption workshop. It was held in a local church and organized by a nonprofit. They had a panel of wonderful people there to share their adoption stories and answer questions. It was great!
There were people who had adopted infants through both closed and open adoptions. We were even joined by one of the birth mothers. There were people who had adopted older children through foster care. There was one couple who had done embryo adoption for their twins. One family had done international adoption.
It really brought home how difficult this process will be, but worthwhile.
For us, it is impossible to conceive naturally with our own biological child. I still have my uterus and could, in theory, carry a child through IVF and donor eggs. For many reasons, we don’t see that as an option for us. We are not pursuing it. We could find a surrogate to carry a child for us. We’re open to that, but not expecting it will happen. Our best path forward that we can see now is through adoption. It’s scary, but we’re having faith and moving forward.
Image: Wikimedia Commons
Text Copyright Snowdroplets 2016