Stuck in a rut. This time, I’ll curl up and rest here. And wait.

· by · in anxiety, chronic pain, depression, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, grief, healing, infertility, laparoscopy, oophorectomy, Surgical menopause. ·

I have been feeling strange lately…

Uncomfortable…

Antsy…

Anxious…

Impatient…

Irritated…

Frustrated…

Restless…

Confused…

Desperate…

Lost…

Adrift…

I feel stuck in a rut.

I feel trapped, caught in a time that’s passed, experiences I’m finished with yet cling to me. I feel like I can’t get free. I feel ready to move past this, but apparently I’m not ready.

I’m limited with the post-surgery pain and fatigue I’m still feeling. I can’t do what I want to do. And I know grief can’t be rushed or swept under the rug.

I keep asking, keep praying, searching… What should I do?

What should I do?

And then I hear the answer:

STAY.

RELAX.

WAIT.

From God, from the depth of my heart, the answer I know is true. Stop searching, stop thrashing, stop turning it all over and over. Stay. Relax. Wait. The opposite of my usual instincts, but exactly what I know I should do. It’s hard to be patient, but I have to be.

While I’m waiting, I know that I’m moving forward toward better times in the future. I may not see the motion, but it’s happening.

If something is big enough or moving slow enough, you might not notice its movement – A large river, an ocean current, the earth spinning and flying around the sun. I can’t feel the earth moving, but obviously it is.

Likewise, healing is happening, changes are happening that I can’t yet feel or see. But, like a sunrise or eclipse, they will become visible. Ultimately, I’ll feel better. I’ll heal. I’ll move into the next phase of life that I’m seeking.

IN THIS RUT, CURL UP AND REST.

THIS RUT SERVES A PURPOSE.

BIG CHANGES ARE AHEAD.

GET PREPARED.

JUST BE STILL.

Reeds and reflection in water

Reeds and reflection in water (Wikimedia Commons)

 

Text copyright Snowdroplets 2016

4 responses to “Stuck in a rut. This time, I’ll curl up and rest here. And wait.”

  1. I think this is a wonderful piece that emphasizes something I believe to be very important -change takes time and a hell of a lot of patience! I also like how you highlight that sometimes we change and we don’t even notice it initially. I’ve had that a lot with my social anxiety as of late so thank you for reminding me of it! 🙂

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    • Thank you! I’ve also experienced that sometimes others around me can see changes in me that I can’t see. Strange how that happens, but so great when you’re going in the right direction.

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  2. What beautiful writing. I love your analogy of a river, an ocean current, the earth spinning and flying around the sun – we can’t feel it taking place but we know it is happening…. Ride out the rut. A lovely piece.

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