One week from now I’ll be having my surgery! I’m feeling really nervous and my emotions are all over the place. I’m having laparoscopic excision of my endo and removal of my ovaries. Bilateral oophorectomy!
I’ve had one previous surgery, in 2012, that was similar except I kept my ovaries at that time. I felt more optimistic then. I feel like I was doing what was necessary to make my dreams of pregnancy and motherhood a reality. Now I believe I’m doing what is necessary, but this time there’s the grief of closing a door with no ability to have my own biological child. But that door, realistically, is already closed. Might as well get the treatment I need and remove these darn ovaries that are intent on continually building giant awful cysts. They have to go. I will take hormone replacement therapy and see how that goes. I’m choosing to be optimistic and hopeful that I’ll feel a lot better once this is done. No more periods!
Still, I feel sad. I feel afraid. I feel stressed. I have so much to get done at work before my leave. So much I want to do at home before I’m laid up. I need to just take it easy. I have been crying a lot, mostly at night or in the morning. I actually feel better after a good cry so it’s good to let it out. I’m trying to eat well, sleep well, drink plenty of water, take lots of walks, spend time with the people I love most, etc.
And then it will be over with and I can concentrate on healing and preparing for what’s next! Hopefully, children!!
If you’re prayer inclined, please pray for me! If not, maybe just send some good vibes my way!
One week from now I’ll be recovering, hopefully at home!